The View From Beyond the Grave?

Grief is painful.  Perhaps the only other pain like it I can think of is arthritis.  It might not be the most intense at a particular time (although it can be very intense), but it is the fact that it is not just something you suffer now, but something that you know is going to come back.  It sits like some kind of magical beast that can't be seen until it jumps upon you.  It doesn't jump from the darkness, it jumps and brings the darkness along with it.  it jumps on you and stands on your chest, depriving you of light and air and seemingly threatening your very existence.  Words can't assuage grief, they can't run it off, they can't even make it bearable.Not even time really relieves the pain, instead we just become accustomed to it, we accommodate it at best. 

I was listening to Ravi Zacharias talk about this topic. A person had asked the question of how could a loving God take away their mother when they were only ___ years old. Not at all an easy question. As Ravi pointed out it comes from a sincere heart and is a pain at the core of our being. I won't recreate Ravi's answer. It rests upon the presumption of a moral law giver (God) in even making sense of the question. 

The thought that came to my mind is that it seems to be the wrong end of the question in some respects. "Why do I have to live without?  This is a very egocentric question, the "I" rests at the subject of the question.  It focuses upon my pain, my needs.

Don't misunderstand, it is an understandable and natural question in so many ways. I have, and will again ask that question.  It is central to our human experience to ask. But let's flip the question to a different perspective. Our 'earthly life' is measured in seasons and years. With science, good living, and a lot of luck we will circle the sun perhaps 85 times if some actuary tables are to be believed. The real question is how is our time in this life is

evaluated or measured against all of time.  Tom Wright calls it life, after life after death.

We actually begin our time on this earth in a state of death.  We are dead in our sin.  However, through Christ we are offered life--life after death, not just at some point in the future ure but in the now!  That is a tremendous promise given to us.  Then, there will be but a shadow of death that will cross us in our futures before the fullness of life in the very presence of God is experienced!  Thus as Wright notes, life, after life, after death.

Oh but how we cling to our days here and now.  We struggle and we cling to them, because they are in fact a precious gift.  I wonder if a caterpillar mourns the end of his days as a caterpillar?  It seems natural that he would, he knows not the beauty ahead.  It is natural.  For you see, death brings an absence to us.  Those left behind will surely be missed.  Just as in this life we have an absence of the presence of God, in life, after life, after death we will have a brief absence of loved ones here, until we are united again.

In this life we can't help but plead to God for why someone would be taken so soon.  Why was our elderly grandmother who loved us dearly taken away?  Why was our spouse or sibling stripped of us in their prime?  Why was the young so early ripped from our grasp in this life?  Why must we experience absence so deeply?

I wonder, and this is the question I think is looking at it from the other end, I wonder if those who have gone before us are asking God why they must wait so long for us to be together again?  "Why can't eternity begin now?" they implore of Him.  Again, absence is something we weren't designed to deal with.  If absence is the pain then the only balm is presence.

The Flag and the Cross

It is July 4, a date on which we American celebrate with great pride our throwing off the yoke of a distant government that gave us little recourse but to separate from their tyrannical rule.  We set this day in 1776 to create a sovereign nation where the power of the government would rest in the people.  It is a day we celebrate with great pride.  

This year the 4th falls on Monday. Many will be able to enjoy a three-day weekend. Many sat in churches yesterday and many worship services probably included a patriotic-themed hymn. Some perhaps included a recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance to the American flag. Some perhaps even included a recitation of the pledge to the Christian flag. None of these are terribly wrong I just wonder if they are right or perhaps appropriate is the better term. 

I have often wondered of late whether expressions of nationalism are appropriate within the time we have set aside to worship God?  Do such expressions further the gospel?  Do they cause a non-believer to consider the human condition and recognize the absence of God in their life?  Or do they feed into a sense of our own pride and entitlement?

This internal struggle began for me several years ago when I felt a disconnect from the Christian flag.  The Christian flag seems like an accoutrement strangely out of place in worship to God.  What is the purpose of the Christian flag?  I really can never understand it. The Cross serves as a tangible reminder of the work of Christ and importantly the call that work has upon my life. 

Here is my difficulty with a Christian flag, it seems to locate God and faith at an inappropriate level. To me, and maybe this is a problem of my perspective, it places God and faith at par with national identity. I am an American. That is something I am proud of and have taken oaths to defend. I am also a Christian. But let us not in any sense equate the two as anything similar. I can defend my Christian Faith but that defense is radically different than what a defense of the ideals of my nation looks like. One involves the potential to be engaged in warfare to defend while the other's defense is actually the emptying of self and accepting the indwelling of the spirit. One repels invasion while the other invites it. 

So to pledge my allegiance to the flag as a representative token of the ideals of this great nation is not in itself inappropriate. But to then turn and pledge to a Christian flag seems to be chalk and cheese.

Perhaps let me go even a little further. While I struggle with the Christian flag as a concept, I also struggle with the American (or any other nation's) flag presence in the sanctuary. The American flag represents the ideals of this country. Ideals that clearly have rooting in the Judeo-Christian worldview.

Absent this worldview the ideas of democracy are incoherent.  However, the sanctuary is a place where the American ideals are overwhelmed by the very concepts in which they are rooted.

Paul wrote in his letter to the church at Galatia,

"But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor.  For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.

For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.  There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s descendants, heirs according to promise."

So as we enter the sanctuary as a representative of the presence of God, should we cast aside all other tokens that would identify is as anything but sinners saved through grace?  Perhaps to even go so far as to say that within the sanctuary where the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob is worshiped we are all aliens made children through adoption and share in the inheritance that can only be claimed through Christ Jesus. Let our sanctuaries be free from any symbol, token, or words that would divide us or give us pause to do anything but glorify the Living God. 

2016 June 22 - Prayer

My Prayer

O God, 

My Hope and My Redeemer,

You have provided breath and light into my life

Yet while I knew you not, you pursued me across time and space

You have called me from the wilderness of my sin,

When I was hurting and naked, 

You touched my wounds and provided me your robe of righteousness

When I was blind and lost

You showed me the stars and filled my heart

When I could not speak in your presence nor raise my head

You gave song to my lips and rhythm to my heartbeat

When I was alone and lost, 

You called me "child" and guided my steps.

Please show me not the path where you may lead, 

For fear and trembling might well consume my heart,

I do not know what tomorrow may bring,
Hunger, pain, sorrow or even joy
But I do know that you are faithful and I shall never walk alone.
Let me set my desires upon the things you desire
Let me look through your eyes on a hurt and dying world
For then I shall see beauty in the scars and joy through the tears.
O God my comfort and peace
Amen

Difficulties in my Journey -- Am I doing the Right Thing?

Several years ago I was approached and asked a life changing question that was completely unexpected.  I was travelling home from a business trip and was sitting in an airport awaiting my flight.  I had a good bit of time before my flight so I was sitting at a gate, ear buds in my ears watching Forest Whitaker's portrayal of Idi Amin in the movie, "The Last King of Scotland."  That is a powerful movie and Whitaker's performance was deserving of the many accolades he received for his role.  Little did I suspect that my cinematic experience was going to be so abruptly curtailed and put aside.

Into this scene a young lady approached and sat nearby.  I usually sit where I can watch people, and I was sitting with my back to the windows at the terminal so that any images on the screen would not be seen that might upset someone and I could watch people walk by.  The power and rawness of the movie made me sensitive to what unsuspecting people (especially children) might see.  From the corner of my eye, I noticed as she approached and took a nearby seat.  At this point, the gate was not overly crowded and I remember it seeming a little odd that a person had taken a seat so close when there were other options available.

I continued to watch the movie with an occasional glance around.  I could sense that the young lady seated nearby was restless and seemed to be on the verge of talking to me.  About this time my battery was getting low and I would need to go sit closer to an outlet if I intended to finish my movie. I glanced around and found a nearby outlet and decided that perhaps a restroom trip would be in order then return to a seat closer to the outlet.  I began to pack up my laptop and ear buds and gather my things.  This seemed to signal an opportunity to my fellow traveler, and she wasn't going to let this opportunity pass.

"Excuse me, can I ask you something?" she inquired in a what seemed to me to be perhaps a German accent.  I was expecting something simple like, "Is this the gate for the Atlanta flight" or even the dreaded "Can you watch my things while I step to the restroom."  One question could be quickly answered and the other was going to be met quickly with a "no" and a feeling of irritation about people in airports in general.  "Sure," I responded little aware of the impact of that single word answer would have.

I won't pretend to recall the entire conversation, however there are still elements in the conversation that are vividly clear.  The question she would ask would cause my mind to reel.

"I want to ask you if I am doing the right thing."

Hmm, odd opening.  Nothing seemed to be amiss, she was sitting in an airport with maybe a carry-on bag, no obvious danger signals apparent, my "spidey senses" were not warning me yet.

"I am leaving my husband and travelling back to Germany."  Ok, she had my full attention now.  "I am pregnant and my husband wants me to end the pregnancy."

Obviously with this question, thoughts of gates and restrooms and many other things were fleeing from my consciousness and I would have welcomed any of them more than this inquiry.  Why couldn't she just want me to watch her bag while she went to the restroom, or shopping even?

Words are powerful.  Questions can be the most powerful use of them.  I probably could have handled many questions but I have to admit this was a query that I was not expecting.  Why not ask me "How could we have world peace?" or perhaps, "Why does the sun cause light?"  Instead I get a question that was the equivalent of a nuclear launch into my world.   "Am I doing the right thing."

My mind reeled.  She went on to explain that her husband was in the military.  She had recently discovered that there was new life within her.  They had discussed this new life and her husband desired for her to terminate the life.  She was now struggling with her choices.

Choices...  it seems to boil down to that doesn't it?  The choice on whom to date, whom to marry, whom to trust, on whom to call.  I listened to her talking for a few minutes.   Mainly because I could do little else but listen.  I have always been a talker, it covers my nervousness when dealing with strangers.  Here I sat speechless.  A marriage, a life, her father thousands of miles away.  Never have I felt so distant from my own daughters.

Thankfully (maybe not) I had been involved in some exchanges with others, both believers and non-believers, on the topic of abortion ("choice" some can call it).  Those exchanges had caused me to reflect a great deal upon my own beliefs.  There had just recently been an exchange where I was personally attacked because of my statements regarding abortion that had hurt me deeply.  The pain had caused me to crystallize my position and have greater conviction of my beliefs.

Steeling myself when she finally paused, I began to share with her.  First, I felt it important to have full disclosure.  I begin to outline my position with the first point, life is sacred.  That which was within her was life.  As people we bear the very image of God upon us and that makes human life one of the greatest gifts.  She had two primary responsibilities.  First was to her own health and second was to the health of the child she carried.  She listened.  I would love to say my words gave her great comfort and convinced her that she was doing the best thing.  I have no such illusions.  Life isn't that easy.  The tough questions can't be so easily answered.

 She continued with her situation, "My father has told me I am no longer his daughter.  But I don't have anyplace else to go.  He doesn't know I am pregnant, I am trying to go home.  Am I doing the right thing?"   Again, this additional information was about like the hurricane that comes ashore after the tidal wave it has been pushing.

Family... so many different issues all wrapped up within the idea of family.  A daughter dismissed, a father angry, a husband/father to be in denial.  Three people seemingly caught up in this vortex and at the center of it all, a fourth. A young baby whose very life hung in the balance.  You see, all of the other decisions were different.  Perhaps the father would accept his daughter home.  Perhaps she would at some point turn back towards her husband.  The husband perhaps would rethink his reservations.  All of these were decisions that could be changed.

However, this little one's life hung in the balance.  One decision for him/her could render any other decision for this family irrelevant to this one.  Potentially, the question of his very membership in this family or any other family was being called.

I would like to say that this ended well.  I have no clue.  The ending for me was when we boarded our

flight and ended up going our separate ways.  I assured her I would pray for her.  I shared with  her that she should first speak with her father and give him a chance.  Sometimes as a parent we can say hurtful things because we are angry and they are easy way out words.  "Never come back."  Would he mean it? Perhaps, but hopefully not.  Then she should seek out a church and talk to someone there.  I pray she found a compassionate response from one or both of these two.

With a simple goodbye, we parted ways.  We went to our seats and I never saw her again.  The question that she raised would storm through my head time and time again.  I would sit and think about my response.  Was I doing the right thing?  Should I have offered for her to come with me to our home and then sought out some connecting ministry for her?  Did I do what God would want me to do?  I have never been happy with my handling of the question.  I was ill prepared for the moment in my opinion, then again, I am not sure how one prepares.  Did I do all I could?  Probably not.  However, I am also glad that I wasn't just completely lock-jawed when asked.  I think I told her the most important points, 1)  Life is Sacred, and 2)  Compassion is a hope within us in spite of our own hurting sometimes.

This also taught me that I can't afford not to be ready.  It isn't enough to simply have an opinion about things, sometimes we are going to have our opinions challenged.  Suddenly, as it has on a few other occasions the question went from conceptual to practical.  This wasn't about a discussion, but hopes and dreams and even a question about life for one.  I don't know that things can get any more real than that.

Called to Relationship

I will begin by saying as a layman, I affirm the statements in the BoD concerning the expression of human sexuality. So, allow me to set up a scenario that until recently has troubled me.

A person begins attending church. They attend for a number of weeks truly appear to be seeking a restored relationship with God and demonstrate a truly penitent heart. They then have some discussions with leadership. They then introduce their partner -- a person of the same sex. By all indications they are moving in a trajectory that would typically lead to a deeper commitment within the community of faith. What is the reaction when this person requests to join the church? It seems easy to say that church membership could not be extended to a person who is living a lifestyle incompatible with Christian teaching and by extension, Christian living? It seems in this case we should encourage a person to live a life that is in agreement with the teaching of Christ in marriage being between a man and a woman and that the two will become one flesh.

What bothered me for some time in this scenario is that essentially two people who have committed to one another are being asked to put aside an element of that commitment, a relationship is being broken. This seems to be a steep price to pay in breaking one relationship to repair another. However... as those seeking to repair our relationship with our creator we are in fact setting back to the one true relationship to which we created to fulfill. All other relationships are in fact secondary to our personal relationship with God.

 But what about that other relationship we are asked? As Christians, we are told that we must deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Jesus. This denial of self applies to each of us. For the adulterer, for the liar, for the thief, for the self absorbed, for the manipulator, for the self abuser -- each of us is called to deny ourselves. This is not a unique requirement for the homosexual, it is in fact the requirement of all who would follow Christ. Does it come with a price -- doesn't any thing of value come at some price? We were bought with a price, a price that was impossibly high for us to pay. Let us not cheapen grace by assuming that we can get by without any personal sacrifice.

 I would also argue that this applies in the case of abortion. I have heard many who would desire to live after Christ say that abortion is a personal right of women. I would only offer that if you are talking about personal rights, you are not talking about a full commitment to the call of Christ. If you think you have a right to your own body, then you are denying the full sacrifice of Christ. I read a quote recently by RC Sproul Jr. that goes, "If the lesson you get from Jesus hanging with sinners is you should hang more with sinners, you're confused on who you are in the story."  This seems to apply in this case, you can't take up the mantle of Christ as in this quote one day to hang with sinners and in the next declare your own rights.  You either love under the rule of Christ or not.  It isn't a smorgasbord where we get to pick what feels comfortable and we leave what causes discomfort.  Christ could have skipped ahead to the resurrection but he chose to submit to the fullness of sacrifice for our us.  Let's not cheapen grace by thinking we can help ourselves to the pleasure and none of the pain.

Perhaps the person in the scenario will be called to forgo a life of sexual fulfillment if they can never overcome same sex attraction. But to say that to have true love requires sexual intimacy is then to deny an intimate relationship with God. The height of love will never be demonstrated in a sexual relationship, to demand it must be is to obscure the gospel and to make our relationship with God as something other than the ultimate calling on our life.

I will close by quoting someone else, I wish I knew who it was -- "I am not called to heterosexuality, I am called to holiness."

No Pain No Gain?

Pain takes on many faces — physical, emotional, spiritual. Each of these faces has implications within our lives. All pain is not alike. One thing about pain is that it seems we are destined to always experience it, so an examination of it seems worthy.

One observation about pain is that it comes in varying degrees of intensity. Sometimes pain is that dull ache that maybe reminds us of our straining through a physical work out a few days ago. Some is intense that announces itself with a thunderous clap such as when we inadvertently slam our knee into our desk corner. Pain is also that first Father’s Day after my father passed from this earth. Pain was, is, and will be. So, how do we deal with pain? How do we confront this intruder into our comfort?

The first time we see the mention of pain in the bible is in the consequences of sin. In Genesis 3:16, God spoke to Eve, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire [shall be] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” The word translated in this passage as ‘sorrow’ also refers to pain. It is also interesting to note that the last occurrence of pain in the bible is recorded in Revelation 21:4 where we are assured, “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” So, we can rest in the knowledge that pain is only a temporal condition and not eternal for at least the children of God.

There is actually an international organization that concerns itself with the study of pain–the International Association for the Study of Pain (IASP). They define pain as “an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage“. There are two types of pain: acute pain and chronic pain. Acute pain occurs for specific reasons. With acute pain, an actual or potentially damaging event triggers special sensory nerve endings located in the skin, muscles and joints. These neural impulses then travel through the dorsal horns of the spinal cord and up to the higher centers of the brain stem and brain. An automatic and rapid course of action to eliminate the event and prevent further injury is decided upon.  So the hand is withdrawn from the hot stove.

Thomas Dormandy in his book, “The Worst of Evils” records that in ancient times, the relief from pain was attributed to a gift from gods. There is little doubt that we spend enormous amounts of money today to relieve pain of all manners, physical and psychological. One has to wonder to what avail? I recently read a quote that really captured my thoughts on this subject.

“Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness” ~ Robertson Davies

I found this quote enigmatic. What would it mean if happiness is only a by-product? What is pain a by-product of may be the more important question. Can I take actions with the intent of causing another to experience happiness? That seems to be a valid assumption based on my experience. Maybe more importantly, can one view pain the same? Is pain a by-product like Davies suggested happiness is? Is it proper to look at pain and happiness in this way? Happiness seems to be a state of mind. Pain seems to be so much more invasive. Why is that? Sometimes, I think I can even have happiness in spite of pain — tired and sore muscles that are responding to physical training are a happy kind of pain, perhaps a soreness from enjoyed physical exertion, I can be expectant of increased strength that satisfies me.

Pain speaks to us on so many levels. It might be the most pervasive of all human conditions. If my big toe hurts, regardless that the rest of my body is feeling well, I hurt. My entire being is effected because the smallest extremity has announced it’s condition to me. Do I pause to give thought to my toe when it is well? Yet, when it hurts, my very being is suffering with it. Does the smile on my face transmit it’s joy to my toe? How do my ankles rejoice?

Is pain within itself a language of the body? Noted Christian apologist C.S. Lewis put it this way, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” When I feel good, I rejoice and celebrate, I am ecstatic and so very satisfied with myself. When I hurt I draw back within myself initially, sometimes I lash out at the source of my pain. When I cannot find a suitable source to lash out at (or the source is bigger than myself), I lash out at God. Why if he is so mighty and powerful and loving — why would he allow me to suffer? Why is there pain? Isn’t there injustice in His allowing it? C.S. Lewis devoted a book to this issue. There is little I could add that this great apologist has not already offered.

In spite of Lewis’ efforts. I am still troubled by pain. Then something struck me. A comment by another apologist Ravi Zacharias. Ravi recounted the story of a young girl, who has a very rare condition called Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis, or CIPA. She has literally bitten her fingertips off without feeling anything. She has nearly severed her tongue while never shedding a tear. Her body is incapable of feeling. When her family was interviewed some years ago, the line I most remember is the closing statement by her mother. She said, “I pray every night for my daughter, that God would give her a sense of pain.”

So, being without pain in this world would not be good. It seems to have very dire ramifications to be devoid of physical pain. I think the same would be true of emotional or psychological pain. We often read stories of some of the most evil people that seem to have shown signs that they possess a certain immunity to sensing pain in others. Killers who have stories in their childhood of abusive behavior toward others or often animals. Sometimes these people have been desensitized to this pain due to their being victims of abuse. So it appears that at least some form of immunity to this type of pain has negative consequences as well.

A beautiful quote was offered by Mother Teresa. She said, “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love.” I wonder if that is what God was trying to tell us? As He hung on that cross, so despised and rejected, He demonstrated to us His willingness to suffer pain to to reclaim His relationship with us. Surely, he loved until He could feel hurt no more. There is another anonymous quote that I think God would say to us: “There is one pain I often feel, which you will never know. It is caused by the absence of you.”

Psalms, Praying, and Liturgy

I wrote this some time ago but the site that hosted my blog has disappeared.  Thankfully, I was able to recover some of my posts through the way back machine.  I have again pick up the daily office which for a time I had put aside.  So this post again speaks to me.

A couple of weeks ago I began a journey of following the Book of Common Prayer as a portion of my daily devotions.  One of the things I have greatly appreciated in this endeavor is the prayers that are offered as part of the Daily Office.  I use dailyoffice.org as my source for the liturgy.  They present it well and I especially enjoy the additional information they provide.  An example of this additional information would be the entry for 2 March that provided detail about the Wesley’s, John and Charles.  Over the past couple of years, I have developed a greater interest in understand what it means to call myself a Wesleyan so I also especially enjoy little insights into the Wesley’s.

On 2 March, one of the collects offered was in tribute to the Wesleys.  It read:

Lord God, you inspired your servants John and Charles Wesley with burning zeal for the sanctification of souls, and endowed them with eloquence in speech and song: Kindle in your Church, we entreat you, such fervor, that those whose faith has cooled may be warmed, and those who have not known Christ may turn to him and be saved; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever.  Amen.

This collect was very beautiful in how for those of us who would call ourselves Wesleyan we need to be mindful of our own walk toward sanctification and to appreciate the walk of others.  May we truly be rekindled if we have let our faith become just glowing embers.  I am reminded of something Ravi Zacharias wrote of John Wesley once:

We are told that he preached over forty thousand sermons, wrote thousands of pages, and traveled nearly a quarter of a million miles, mostly by horseback. In his eighties he was still preaching twice a day! At eighty-six he wrote in his journal, “Laziness is slowing creeping in. There is an increasing tendency to stay in bed after five-thirty in the morning.”

As I have begun to follow the BCP, I have developed an increasing appreciation for the Psalms.  What has really impressed me about them is the way that they speak to my heart in my daily walk.  From celebrations to lament, they cover my thoughts and emotions so completely.  Perhaps this is one of the things that Wesley found so compelling in his own life.  

I also enjoy reading the “collects”.  They are short prayers, I believe offered in the conclusion of prayer time to draw together the worshipers.  I find them very beautiful and moving.  I have long considered verbal prayer to be one of my weakest areas, the collects seem to give me a good basis for starting and ending my own personal prayers, even when not verbalized.

Some in our tradition may shy away from the high church liturgy, I know for years I would have.  I thought they stifled the Holy Spirit, keeping us from a personal message from God.  What I have learned is that instead of stifling, it is for me spiritually deepening.  I appreciate that it may well not be for everyone, I think we each need to find how we can most focus on our worship of God.  For me, in this short time, I have grown such a deep appreciation for the prayers and the psalms.  I don’t “dread” my devotion time like I once did as some kind of chore.  Now, I can’t wait to see what God would speak to me through a long tradition that Mr. Wesley enjoyed so deeply.  Maybe it is the historian in me.

Oh well, it is midnight now.  I will close… mainly because the daily office for “today” has just arrived. I think I will close my day as I began it!