Several years ago I was approached and asked a life changing question that was completely unexpected. I was travelling home from a business trip and was sitting in an airport awaiting my flight. I had a good bit of time before my flight so I was sitting at a gate, ear buds in my ears watching Forest Whitaker's portrayal of Idi Amin in the movie, "The Last King of Scotland." That is a powerful movie and Whitaker's performance was deserving of the many accolades he received for his role. Little did I suspect that my cinematic experience was going to be so abruptly curtailed and put aside.
Into this scene a young lady approached and sat nearby. I usually sit where I can watch people, and I was sitting with my back to the windows at the terminal so that any images on the screen would not be seen that might upset someone and I could watch people walk by. The power and rawness of the movie made me sensitive to what unsuspecting people (especially children) might see. From the corner of my eye, I noticed as she approached and took a nearby seat. At this point, the gate was not overly crowded and I remember it seeming a little odd that a person had taken a seat so close when there were other options available.
I continued to watch the movie with an occasional glance around. I could sense that the young lady seated nearby was restless and seemed to be on the verge of talking to me. About this time my battery was getting low and I would need to go sit closer to an outlet if I intended to finish my movie. I glanced around and found a nearby outlet and decided that perhaps a restroom trip would be in order then return to a seat closer to the outlet. I began to pack up my laptop and ear buds and gather my things. This seemed to signal an opportunity to my fellow traveler, and she wasn't going to let this opportunity pass.
"Excuse me, can I ask you something?" she inquired in a what seemed to me to be perhaps a German accent. I was expecting something simple like, "Is this the gate for the Atlanta flight" or even the dreaded "Can you watch my things while I step to the restroom." One question could be quickly answered and the other was going to be met quickly with a "no" and a feeling of irritation about people in airports in general. "Sure," I responded little aware of the impact of that single word answer would have.
I won't pretend to recall the entire conversation, however there are still elements in the conversation that are vividly clear. The question she would ask would cause my mind to reel.
"I want to ask you if I am doing the right thing."
Hmm, odd opening. Nothing seemed to be amiss, she was sitting in an airport with maybe a carry-on bag, no obvious danger signals apparent, my "spidey senses" were not warning me yet.
"I am leaving my husband and travelling back to Germany." Ok, she had my full attention now. "I am pregnant and my husband wants me to end the pregnancy."
Obviously with this question, thoughts of gates and restrooms and many other things were fleeing from my consciousness and I would have welcomed any of them more than this inquiry. Why couldn't she just want me to watch her bag while she went to the restroom, or shopping even?
Words are powerful. Questions can be the most powerful use of them. I probably could have handled many questions but I have to admit this was a query that I was not expecting. Why not ask me "How could we have world peace?" or perhaps, "Why does the sun cause light?" Instead I get a question that was the equivalent of a nuclear launch into my world. "Am I doing the right thing."
My mind reeled. She went on to explain that her husband was in the military. She had recently discovered that there was new life within her. They had discussed this new life and her husband desired for her to terminate the life. She was now struggling with her choices.
Choices... it seems to boil down to that doesn't it? The choice on whom to date, whom to marry, whom to trust, on whom to call. I listened to her talking for a few minutes. Mainly because I could do little else but listen. I have always been a talker, it covers my nervousness when dealing with strangers. Here I sat speechless. A marriage, a life, her father thousands of miles away. Never have I felt so distant from my own daughters.
Thankfully (maybe not) I had been involved in some exchanges with others, both believers and non-believers, on the topic of abortion ("choice" some can call it). Those exchanges had caused me to reflect a great deal upon my own beliefs. There had just recently been an exchange where I was personally attacked because of my statements regarding abortion that had hurt me deeply. The pain had caused me to crystallize my position and have greater conviction of my beliefs.
Steeling myself when she finally paused, I began to share with her. First, I felt it important to have full disclosure. I begin to outline my position with the first point, life is sacred. That which was within her was life. As people we bear the very image of God upon us and that makes human life one of the greatest gifts. She had two primary responsibilities. First was to her own health and second was to the health of the child she carried. She listened. I would love to say my words gave her great comfort and convinced her that she was doing the best thing. I have no such illusions. Life isn't that easy. The tough questions can't be so easily answered.
She continued with her situation, "My father has told me I am no longer his daughter. But
I don't have anyplace else to go. He doesn't know I am pregnant, I am trying to go home. Am I
doing the right thing?" Again, this additional information was about like the hurricane that comes ashore after the tidal wave it has been pushing.
Family... so many different issues all wrapped up within the idea of family. A daughter dismissed, a father angry, a husband/father to be in denial. Three people seemingly caught up in this vortex and at the center of it all, a fourth. A young baby whose very life hung in the balance. You see, all of the other decisions were different. Perhaps the father would accept his daughter home. Perhaps she would at some point turn back towards her husband. The husband perhaps would rethink his reservations. All of these were decisions that could be changed.
However, this little one's life hung in the balance. One decision for him/her could render any other decision for this family irrelevant to this one. Potentially, the question of his very membership in this family or any other family was being called.
I would like to say that this ended well. I have no clue. The ending for me was when we boarded our
flight and ended up going our separate ways. I assured her I would pray for her. I shared with her that she should first speak with her father and give him a chance. Sometimes as a parent we can say hurtful things because we are angry and they are easy way out words. "Never come back." Would he mean it? Perhaps, but hopefully not. Then she should seek out a church and talk to someone there. I pray she found a compassionate response from one or both of these two.
With a simple goodbye, we parted ways. We went to our seats and I never saw her again. The question that she raised would storm through my head time and time again. I would sit and think about my response. Was I doing the right thing? Should I have offered for her to come with me to our home and then sought out some connecting ministry for her? Did I do what God would want me to do? I have never been happy with my handling of the question. I was ill prepared for the moment in my opinion, then again, I am not sure how one prepares. Did I do all I could? Probably not. However, I am also glad that I wasn't just completely lock-jawed when asked. I think I told her the most important points, 1) Life is Sacred, and 2) Compassion is a hope within us in spite of our own hurting sometimes.
This also taught me that I can't afford not to be ready. It isn't enough to simply have an opinion about things, sometimes we are going to have our opinions challenged. Suddenly, as it has on a few other occasions the question went from conceptual to practical. This wasn't about a discussion, but hopes and dreams and even a question about life for one. I don't know that things can get any more real than that.
I do not know what tomorrow may bring,
